Tonight would be a great night for a hike.
When I walked in the door after dinner, a wall of warm air hit me. I went to the thermostat, which read 73F – the AC is set to kick on at 75. For the first night in months, we have the windows open.
I love the fall. I love the cool, crisp air; the way the leaves change so that the trees are ablaze with color. I love sipping pumpkin spice lattes so that the steam curls over the cup, just visible in the morning. I love wearing sweaters and jackets and real shoes, and the deep blue of the sky as the sun sets early enough for that hike that would be so great tonight.
I don’t believe in the lazy days of summer. In my mind, summer is heat and flash and rush; fall is the quiet moment when the sun lets up and we all just take a step back and breathe. It’s the resting hour before nightfall, when you’re curled up with a hot cup of tea, a blanket, and a good book – nothing else matters.
I love the smells of fall – crackling fires, the earthy scent of the trees. Spiced cider, pumpkins, and caramel apples.
Welcome, autumn. You may be early but feel free to linger…and of course, to skip winter and head straight into spring.
I started writing again today. Actual words, pencil to paper (yes, I still have pencils)…
It’s the same story I’ve written in my head countless times, in as many ways. I know how it begins, but I never figured out how (if?) it ends.
Now that life has calmed down as much as it ever will, maybe I can sit down and try to make sense of it all.
I’m waiting for you to say you love me
You’re waiting for me to walk away
We’re standing at a crossroads, looking through each other
to find the words we want to hear, to hide the words we cannot say
I’m trying not to tell you I adore you
You’re trying not to tell me it’s the end
We’re slipping past each other, the distance growing wide
and we know we’ll never pass this way again
Perception failed us tonight
We’re peering into cracked and tarnished mirrors
We’re searching in each other for all our hopes and dreams
but we’re only finding echoes of our fears
I’m hoping that we’re both in this together
you’re certain that we’re lost in this alone
Two paths stretch out before us, away from one another
so when this ends, we’ll both be on our own.
~ September 21, 2009
when every second glance is another battle won
when your words are cold and hollow, I remember
you’re too good to be true, you’re unbelievable
you’re tarnished perfection…
the reflection of your beauty is distorted
your sweetness poisoned, your brightness faded
a cruel caricature of all I ever wanted
you’re the deepest bitter roots of my wildest fantasy
you are my anti-love
the hit between the beat of every love song
you are my broken heart
the tear stains on the pages that I write
every tock that ticks away
on the hours I have wasted
you are my anti-love, the sickest ever drug
~ September 8, 2009